The hardest falls.

The falls that are the hardest are from the people you love.

I fell hard today. It hurts and will continue to hurt. Why is it that God has put me in this situation? I don't understand! My mom made me go to this Buddhist temple with her. She forced me to pray to the gods... Nothing has made me wanted to just drop and cry right there than that moment.. At times I dont think this is fair, they arent just but who am I to question God?! Why am I not trusting in Him? Don't I love Him more than everything?! Don't I desire to be with God and to spend my eternity with Him? Isn't my joy and satisfaction found in Him? YES! Then why do I feel so stranded? Deserted on an uncharted island with no one?.

I feel that sometimes I can't and don't find happiness and laughter within this household. I want God to save my parents.... I cannot fully express how I feel. I might relate to how Rose from Titanic felt: I feel as if I’m in a room screaming and no one even looks up. I felt so hostile and full of anger today.. i don't want to feel like that again. never.

I've shed so many tears and prayed about my many fears
Help me to hold onto to You God. I feel so feeble and alone. I know you are sovereign:

Because when I fall down you pick me up and when i am dry you fill my cup, You are my All in All.